What a sweet quote. I found it in a New York Times review of Nina DiSesa’s book, Seducing the Boys Club: Uncensored Tactics From a Woman at the Top. It’s advice given to Ms. DiSesa by James Patterson, the best-selling author and former chairman of the J. W. Thompson advertising firm.

I’m not sure the advice jibes well with the title of Ms. DeSesa’s book, but it certainly is a powerful metaphor—and I think it’s a wise one.

Why do we have to remind ourselves that family, health, friends, and integrity should be our highest priorities? I think one of the reasons is that work is organized around ever-more challenging goals, clear frequent feedback, and rewarding accomplishments—the conditions that create what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls “flow.” These conditions make work engrossing, and absorbing. We lose ourselves in our work. But, as Patterson’s quote makes clear: when we lose ourselves in our work, we lose our selves in more important ways as well.

When Csikszentmihalyi sampled feelings of happiness and flow at random times during people’s days, he was shocked to discover most of us are happier at work than at home. We prefer perfecting that spreadsheet to playing catch with our son or daughter. These results seem to be caused by the positive structure at work, relative to the lack of structure at home. How sad.

If you want to re-center your life around your true values, think about adding a bit of structure to your time with your family. Select a family challenge. Organize a family campaign. Don’t outsource your children’s play time to a coach, scout troop, or other parent surrogate. I know there are limits here, but you get my point.

What are some fun activities you’ve organized with your family—activities that include challenging goals, clear frequent feedback, and rewarding accomplishments? I’ve been teaching my nephews and nieces to ride unicycles and to surf. Other ideas?